I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
