sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
