dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
