Plan B is the new Plan A
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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