There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
