$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
