I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
