He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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