well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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