Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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