1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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