he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
