Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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