I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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