Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
