Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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