I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Apparently you make a good broom.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
