Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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