I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Everyone says I win the strip club
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
