her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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