Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
These tits shall not be calmed
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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