break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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