i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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