yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
