I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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