Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
