I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
