Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
