Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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