But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Randomize
