He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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