Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
