We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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