walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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