I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
