Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Sorry my hands just texted you
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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