The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
