The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
All I want is dick and wine.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
