break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
