can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
There r osticjed everywhere
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
