Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My balls are so social today.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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