Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
