i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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