Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
