I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Shame - the story of my life.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
