Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
