He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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