this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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