the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
