A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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