dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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