Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I need moral support for this bender
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
