I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
